


Gears We Never Use

by Gedry



Series: Love in Every Stitch [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas has a family full of assbutts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, John is good dad, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 04:02:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12740616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gedry/pseuds/Gedry
Summary: Follow up to Love in Every Stitch





	Gears We Never Use

Gears We Never Use - Follow up to Love in Every Stitch 

John Winchester isn’t exactly sure when turning the walk-up attic in his house into a spare bedroom became a priority. Hell, he’d been tinkering with it on and off for years. The space was meant for storage, but he'd always intended for it to become an office, and instead it became a never ending project. In the last few months he’s been feeling the press to finally put the finishing touches on this last incomplete part of their home. 

But things change, his children started to grow up, his oldest son fell in love…fell in love with a strange kid from down the street. A kid that John had once promised his wife he would always look after. 

John’s coming home from work the first week of summer vacation after Dean’s senior year. The house is empty; Dean’s dropping Sam off at a friend’s house for the night before heading to work. John’s prepared for re-heated pizza in the microwave for dinner and maybe a beer before he starts painting the almost finished bedroom that used to be his attic. 

But sometimes, it doesn’t matter how hard you try to be prepared, you just don’t get ready in time. 

“Hello Sir,” Castiel mumbles from inside the garage. John shakes his head sadly as he rounds the corner. The boy he’s come to think of as his third son sits huddled on the steps leading into the house with a quilt that Mary had made for him balled in his lap and a crate full of art supplies next to his dirty tennis shoes. 

“Hey kiddo,” John says as he reaches down to ruffle Castiel’s hair affectionately. “You coming to stay a while?” 

There’s a tremor under his hand and Castiel whispers pitifully, “I don’t have anywhere else to go.” 

“You don’t need anywhere else to go,” John corrects him gently before reaching down to grab the crate and carry it past him into the house. “You’re already home, Son.” 

He feeds Castiel the pizza Dean left out for him, and gives him a beer, too. Castiel's eyes widen, but John's pretty sure he's going to need it. The kid looks worn, exhausted, shaken. There are a few bruises on his arm sticking out from under his t-shirt and around the back of his neck. John's certain there is more he can't see. 

Something bad happened at the Novak house today. As much as he wants to go over there and beat the shit out of Castiel’s father for whatever he did, he’s thinking feigned ignorance might be the better way to go. 

“I’m going to finish the attic,” John says conversationally as Castiel picks his pizza to bits. “How are you with painting?” 

“I’m planning to major in art,” Castiel says with a shaky smile. 

“Good,” John nods. “You can do the cutting in for me, then. I’m getting too damned old to be crawling around on my knees.” 

It’s two hours later, while Castiel’s painting the ceiling line on the ladder that John gets an idea of how badly things must have gone for the kid. As Castiel raises his arms above his head his t-shirt rides up and John catches a glimpse of what he suspects is a boot mark along his side. 

“You want to press charges?” John asks as he puts down his roller. 

Castiel freezes for a long moment. John watches him come undone. The boy's hands start to shake so badly that John takes the paint bucket and brush from him. John holds his elbow as he creeps down the ladder on weak knees. The kid’s hand slides along his side where the bruising is starting and shakes his head slowly, like he has to think about it hard before he answers. 

“No,” Castiel finally says. “I just don’t ever want to have to go back there. Can I stay here for a few days? I’m sorry. I’m not thinking really clearly right now. I don’t want to intrude, but I don't know where else to go.” 

John sighs, “You like the room, Cas?” 

The boy looks startled, blue eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights of a semitruck. “Umm,” Castiel takes a deep breath as his brow wrinkles in confusion. “Yes? You’ve done a really good job on it.” 

“Good,” John says with a nod. “I’m glad you like it. It’s your bedroom.” 

He had expected the kid to be emotional. Hell, Castiel’s due for a break down, being thrown out of your home would do that to anyone. He’s not expecting his son’s boyfriend to suddenly hurl himself at him and cling to him sobbing. Castiel’s never really let people physically close to him. But John wraps his arms around his shoulders without hesitation and holds him tight as Castiel soaks the front of his shirt with tears. 

“I’m sorry, kiddo,” John whispers to him as Castiel quivers in his arms. “I just didn’t get it done in time.” 

“I don’t have any clothes,” Castiel chokes out randomly. 

“We’ll get you clothes,” John assures him. 

“I can’t afford to pay you rent and go to college,” Castiel stammers. 

“Who said anything about rent?” John snorts as he pets his hair. 

“I’m sorry,” Castiel blurts as his sobs fade into hiccups. “I’m sorry I’m like this. He said I turned my back on God. I don’t want there to be something wrong with me.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Cas,” John says fiercely. “And don’t you ever believe anyone who tells you there is.” 

They talk for a long time still surrounded by paint cans and spackle. They get cleaned up, and take quick trip out to the bank when John realizes Castiel has his own savings account. 

“What do you want me to do?” Castiel asks as they pull up to the ATM machine. 

“Withdraw everything you can tonight,” John tells him. “We’ll come back when the bank opens in the morning and get you an account without your father’s name on it. You’re old enough now. They can't stop you.” 

He puts Castiel to bed in Dean’s room that night, buried under his quilt and hugging Dean’s pillow to his chest. After the kid’s asleep John picks up Castiel’s cell phone and goes through his contacts until he finds Gabriel’s number. 

The following phone call is loud and brief. Gabriel and someone named Crowley will be driving down in the morning. It takes John a lot of arguing to get Gabriel to agree to come to the Winchester's house first. 

By the time Dean comes home from work with his face creased in worry John’s waiting for him in the kitchen. 

“You okay?” John asks. 

“Yeah,” Dean mumbles, stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets like he does when he’s debating on including his dad in something that’s personal. “I haven’t heard from Cas tonight. He usually texts me.” 

“He’s in your room,” John tells his older son. “He’s asleep,” he adds. 

“What happened?” Dean asks. 

“I’m not sure,” John admits. “Something bad though. Castiel’s going to be living here from now on.” 

“Is he hurt?” Dean asks as he grips the counter top. 

John nods and watches as the air seems to suck out of Dean’s lungs. His son makes a half lunge toward the hall before turning back. 

“Dad?” Dean gasps, begging for permission. 

“Tomorrow night you’re going to be sleeping in your brother’s room or on the couch until we get Cas step up upstairs,” John tells him matter-of-factly though he squeezes Dean’s shoulder tightly. “You stay the hell away from The Novak's house, you understand?” 

“Yeah,” Dean nods. “Um, where do I sleep tonight?” he asks and the hopeful look in his son’s tear filled eyes makes John certain he’s making the right call. 

“He needs you, Dean,” John says as he grabs his beer and heads for the living room. “What the hell are you standing here talking to me for?” 

He doesn’t turn around, he’s sure Dean’s down the hall and crawling into bed with his boyfriend before he even finishes speaking. 

Just like it should be. 

“Mary,” John whispers as he clicks the television on. “I sure wish you were here to help me out with all this.” 

***** 

Dean doesn’t remember falling asleep. But he wakes up to careful fingers tracing the side of his face with expert care. 

“What are you doing in here?” Castiel asks as soon as Dean moves. 

“I start sleeping with Sam tomorrow,” Dean answers softly as he opens his eyes and threads his fingers through Castiel’s. “Dad knows where I am tonight.” 

“You mean this morning,” Castiel points out and Dean turns to see his alarm clock shining that it’s a little past six in the morning. 

There’s a dim glow from the breaking dawn filtering through his curtains but Dean turns on the bedside table’s lamp anyway. He pushes himself up into a sitting position next to his boyfriend and regards Castiel with a serious expression. “Show me,” Dean whispers. 

He holds his breath as Castiel pulls his t-shirt up over his head and has to bite his bottom lip to keep from letting the curse words piling up on his tongue spill out his mouth. 

“Cas,” Dean manages weakly. He reaches out to cup his hands around Castiel’s shoulders gently and pulls him forward to brush tender kisses along his face. Dean then leans far enough away to map the line of bruising across Castiel’s neck with his trembling fingertips before slipping down along his upper arms. His fingers line up perfectly with prints from Castiel's father’s hands where the man had grabbed him hard enough to leave bruises. He places Castiel back on the bed again and Castiel closes his eyes as Dean palms carefully over the swollen skin along his side that this morning is clearly a boot mark written on his body in purple, black, and blue. Castiel’s breathe hitches several times during Dean halting examination. He’s nervous, ashamed, and still so tired. “Dean…” 

“I’m so sorry,” Dean whispers as he moves close and presses his lips against Castiel’s. “I should have been with you.” 

“He would have hurt me more by hurting you,” Castiel murmurs as he rubs a hand over his side and flinches. 

“I’m going to kill him,” Dean mutters darkly. 

“I need you here,” Castiel says softly as he covers Dean’s clenched fists with his hands. “This will heal. He didn’t break me, he didn’t touch us.” 

“What happened?” Dean asks as he slips back down onto the bed and gently tugs Castiel close enough to spoon up behind him. 

“They found pot in Anna’s purse last week,” Castiel sighs. “I should have suspected it was coming. They searched our rooms for drugs and instead they found my sketch pad.” 

“You do still life,” Dean huffs. “What the hell does a potted plant tell them about your sexuality?” 

“Not that sketch pad,” Castiel says before snorting and Dean watches the back of his neck turn pink as he blushes. “The other one. The one you don’t know about.” 

“Oh,” Dean pauses. “What was in it?” 

Castiel sighs, “You, it was all you.” 

“Doing what, Cas?” Dean asks. “I mean, no offense, but it takes you forever to draw things. I think I would have noticed if you were sketching me doing really gay things.” 

He feels more than hears Castiel chuckle. “I did them from memory, Dean. Trust me, they were really gay.” 

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or his feeling of relief that Castiel is really for keeps, but Dean falls into a fit of giggles that makes Castiel join in until his boyfriend rolls over to snuggle against his chest. 

“What happened to it?” Dean asks after he calms down. “The super-secret sketch pad?” 

“It’s in the crate your dad brought inside,” Castiel comments. “They threw it at me.” Dean tenses against his cheek and he rushes to add, “I was glad. It would have been worse if they had destroyed it.” 

“So…” Dean says after a long moment of silence as he cards his fingers through Castiel’s hair. “When do I get to see it?” 

“Never,” Castiel chuckles and then squeals as Dean rolls him over and proceeds to tickle him along his good side and on the inside of his thighs. 

It doesn’t take long for Dean to get distracted by slow, tender kisses and the warmth of Castiel’s shirtless body against his. He moans as Castiel rolls them until he’s draped along Dean’s body with his thighs on the outside of Dean’s legs. They rub together while Castiel licks the side of his neck with a groan and then whimpers while Dean tugs on one of his nipples. 

The room’s suddenly too hot, everything is too intense and Dean’s sliding his hand down the back of Castiel’s always loose jeans and under his boxers to slide into the cleft of his ass and brush over the entrance to his body. Castiel jerks against him like he’s being hit with a cattle prod and then pushes back against Dean’s circling finger with a shaky moan that he tries to bury in Dean’s neck. 

They’ve been dating for close to three months now. After that first night together time to explore has been limited. Castiel’s house has always been off limits and Dean’s dad had instituted the new, and hated, open door policy as soon as they had gotten home. They’ve spent nights curled up on the sofa kissing their way through movies in the dark and risked a few hand jobs in the bathroom at work. Dean’s personal favorite has to be the one time Sam got detention and he and Castiel had the house to themselves for a few hours one afternoon. He had managed to tease Castiel into enough of a frenzy that the normally reserved boy had agreed to a blow job and then had come in Dean’s mouth. 

Fuck, it was hot. Dean came in his pants right after Castiel. John had smirked at him knowingly when Dean had done his own laundry without threats of bodily harm. 

“Can’t,” Castiel murmurs into his skin. 

“I know,” Dean groans as he reluctantly tugs his hand away and kisses Castiel again. Cas rolls off him with regret. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” 

“Same here,” Castiel assures him as he trails his hand across Dean’s chest. “I just don’t want to disrespect your father.” 

“I get it, Cas,” Dean says with a nod as they get up and start to get ready to go out and face the world. “Besides, I’m still not sure everything is going to….fit, you know?” 

There’s a startled bark of laughter from Castiel and when Dean gets done tugging his shirt on over his head he’s happy to see some joy sparkling in his best friend’s eyes. 

“Oh, it will fit,” Castiel assures him before groping Dean hotly through his jeans. Cas then slips out the door of Dean’s bedroom and out into the hallway while Dean groans in disappointment. 

“Tease,” Dean whispers as he follows close behind. 

***** 

Gabriel blows into the Winchester house like a man being chased by the hounds of Hell. He doesn’t even knock and he’s on Castiel, turning his head to the left and right for inspection before John has time to reach for his gun. 

Thankfully, things settle down at Castiel’s odd look. 

“Gabriel, what are you doing here?” he asks. 

“Dean’s dad called me last night,” Gabriel answers as he gives John a nod. “What happened? Are you okay?” 

“I’ll be fine,” Castiel assures him but it clearly does little to reassure his brother. 

There’s a moment of weirdness where it looks like Gabriel doesn’t know what to do and then a British voice sounds from behind him near the door, “Well hug him for fuck’s sake. You got me up at the ass crack of dawn to drive down here, let’s not be all strange about it now.” 

Gabriel rolls his eyes but he tugs Castiel forward and hugs him tightly as he mutters into his brother’s ear, “Ignore him.” 

“Not likely,” the other young man says as he takes a seat at the kitchen table. “You’ll find I’m rather hard to ignore. Also, your belongings are in the garage. I refuse to carry them any further. I wasn’t built for physical labor.” 

“My stuff?” Castiel blurts before rushing past them into the Winchester’s garage to find his clothing, books, posters, and music piled along the wall next to the John’s car. “How did you get this?” 

Gabriel shrugs and his friend smiles wickedly, “We made him a deal he couldn’t refuse. I’m Crowley, by the way, Gabriel’s lover.” 

There’s the sound of choking from John before he waves his hand and announces, “You boys are on your own. I don’t want to know anything about it.” 

Castiel watches him disappear up the steps toward the attic that will soon be his room. Cas has to fight the urge to rush after the man and hug him again. He owes a lot to John Winchester. 

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel says suddenly. “I should have been there. I should have been the one this happened to. I let you down, kiddo.” 

“No you didn’t,” Castiel says as touches his older sibling’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here now and thank you for my things.” 

“Yes, well, this is all very touching but you’re making me sick to my stomach,” Crowley complains with an over exaggerated roll of his eyes. “Where can a pack of gay boys get some breakfast around here?” 

Castiel blinks, Gabriel groans, Dean laughs like a lunatic before grabbing his keys and leading the way to the International House of Pancakes. 

They head to the bank after breakfast to change Cas' accounts, and then the post office to change his address. Gabriel and Crowley spend the day bantering back and forth like an old married couple while Dean and Castiel watch with a mixture of enjoyment and confusion. 

“They’re so…animated,” Castiel says softly to Dean the next night as they are curled up together in the family room, relaxing after a long day of helping John finish Castiel’s room upstairs. 

“I’m not sure that’s the word I would use,” Dean whispers back as Crowley says something that earns him a sharp elbow in the chest from Gabriel. 

Castiel watches them with interest for a long time. They certainly have a different kind of relationship than he and Dean share. Gabriel’s interactions with Crowley have a sharp edge to them that for Castiel often borders on uncomfortable. But then, he’s never been as brash as his older brother and though the words they use are often derogatory there is a genuine affection in their gazes for each other. Castiel has noticed as they spend more time together that façade of aloofness that Crowley perpetuates is starting to slip. Like now, as Crowley rubs the sensitive skin behind Gabriel’s ear until his brother settle back against the other man more comfortably and relax against his chest. 

Gabriel looks…peaceful, content. It’s a look Castiel has rarely seen on him. It makes him wonder how he must look in Dean’s arms. That feeling of love and comfort he sees radiating off his brother is something he recognizes himself feeling in the past few months. 

“I’m going to get a soda,” Crowley announces suddenly as he shoves Gabriel forward and slips out from behind his back. “Castiel, you’re coming with me.” 

Dean opens his mouth to probably argue but Castiel shakes his head and follows Crowley up the steps and into the kitchen. Once they arrive it’s clear soda is the last thing on Crowley’s mind. 

“I’m in love with your idiot brother,” Crowley says as he opens the refrigerator. 

“I know,” Castiel comments. “It’s obvious.” 

His response earns him a glare from Crowley. “I am many things. Obvious is not one of them.” 

“If you say so,” Castiel shrugs then winces as his side complains about the action. His hand strays over to his bruised ribs before he can stop himself. When he looks back up Crowley’s inched closer to him without him noticing. 

“I don’t have anything to offer you,” Crowley says quietly. 

“What?” Castiel asks, confused. 

“I don’t have a home here,” Crowley clarifies with a wave of his hand. “Or a family that would be supportive of either of our lifestyles. Hell, I’m not even from this country. I don’t have a lot to work with. But, I love Gabriel and I want to stay with him. You’re the only family member he’s got that knows about me and I…” he looks around then like the weight of what he’s trying to say is pressing him down and Castiel suddenly understands what this very strange conversation is about. 

“You want my blessing.” 

Crowley’s face makes this horrible, pinched off expression and he rolls his eyes before saying, “It doesn’t really matter. I’m just trying to tell you how things are…that’s all.” 

“You have it,” Castiel comments as he places his hand over top of where Crowley’s rests in a fist against the counter. “For what it’s worth.” 

There’s a beat of silence. 

“It’s worth a lot,” Crowley murmurs before straightening his shoulders and stalking toward the steps. 

They arrive at the bottom to see Gabriel sitting next to Dean on the couch, obviously involved in a private conversation of their own. Gabriel jumps to his feet as soon as he sees them. 

“You forgot your soda,” Gabriel comments as he walks back to Crowley’s side. 

“Turns out I wasn’t thirsty,” Crowley comments before shoving Gabriel onto his back on the couch and sliding down beside him to lie against his chest. Gabriel looks startled at boyfriend’s actions, but then a private smile spreads across his face as he wraps his arms around Crowley and relaxes. 

When they head back to college Sunday morning they extract promises that Dean and Castiel will come to visit soon. Sam watches them go from where he stands beside his father before muttering, “Thank God. It’s been like the gay ship lolli-pop around here this weekend.” 

Castiel laughs while Dean chases his brother down the street. 

***** 

“Are you sure about this, Son?” His father asks as Dean leans against the wall in the auto shop where his dad works. “You’ve been saving that money for a long time.” 

“I’m sure about it,” Dean says levelly. When his dad looks out at him from under the car he’s working on Dean narrows his eyes and asks, “What?” 

“You remind me of your mother,” John says with a sad smile. “You have her heart, Dean. I’m proud of you.” 

Dean squirms under the scrutiny; he’s never been comfortable being complimented. “He made me a sweater,” he blurts by way of explanation and his father chuckles. 

“So you’re giving him a car?” his dad asks. 

“I wanted to make him something,” Dean shrugs as he looks at his shoes even though his father can’t see his eyes from where he is anyway. “I’m not…creative like he is, Dad. But I’m good with cars and Cas needs one for when he starts college. So I thought you could help me get a cheap one and I could fix it up for him. Then he doesn’t have to feel so dependant on me.” 

“You’ve put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you?” John asks as he slides out from under the car he’s working. The smile his father gives him makes Dean feel exposed and uncomfortable. 

“I’m planning on him sticking around, Dad,” Dean admits as he clenches his hands in his pockets. It’s as close to asking for his father’s blessing as he’s ever going to get. Castiel holds his heart. When Dean thinks about his future his friend is always with him. He needs his father to understand this isn’t a passing fling. 

He wants to be with Castiel forever. 

“That’s good, Son,” His dad nods before getting to his feet. “Cas is family. I would hate to have to kick you out because you didn’t appreciate a good thing when it landed in your lap.” 

Dean watches his dad go get himself a bottle of water with his mouth hanging open in shock. 

***** 

Dean’s been acting strangely for the last month. He's spending a lot of time off on his own. Castiel tries not to think about it too much. This summer has brought a lot of changes to their relationship. Castiel is considering the possibility that the honeymoon period of their romance is over. With living in each other's pockets, their passion might simply be fading into something less intense. 

It’s the only possibility that Castiel allows himself to focus on during the lonely days. The other fears that run rampant through his head as he lay in his attic bed alone at night are far more traumatizing. 

What if Dean is tired of him? 

What if Dean doesn’t want him anymore? 

What if Dean thinks he’s going to forget about him when he starts college in two months? 

What if he did something wrong and Dean just won’t tell him? 

What if he’s losing Dean? 

In reality, what Castiel is losing is sleep. He walks around half dead most days. He heads zombie like to work at the store in the morning. His manager agreed to let him go full time over the summer so now he can at least pay the Winchester’s back for the food he eats and help Dean put gas in the car. It’s not much, and John always rolls his eyes when Castiel insists that he accept it. They both know that Castiel needs to do it to feel like a member of their household and John takes it so Castiel knows he's family. 

It's his insecurity that makes Castiel suggest he and Dean visit Gabriel and Crowley over the next weekend they're both off. Dean happily agrees. Castiel suspects it has less to do with going on a trip with him and more to so with the chance to see Crowley again. Dean hates to admit it, but the two have sparked a friendship over Facebook within the last month. Castiel is amazed at how much the two have in common. They both love classic cars and classic rock, they share a love of greasy diner food and pie. Crowley has spent time teaching Dean British cursing and Dean brags about teaching Crowley how to cut someone's brake lines. Castiel has no idea why either of them need to know how to do that, but now that Crowley knows how, Castiel will be watching him more carefully. 

Castiel has his own reasons for wanting this trip. Castiel knows that Dean craves more physical intimacy between them, to be honest so does he. The fumbled encounters they manage to sneak in only manage to leave them both frustrated. But John Winchester has asked so little of them, Castiel wouldn’t feel right violating the no sex under my roof rule. 

However having sex under Gabriel’s roof he was okay with. 

It was an awkward phone call. Castiel's not the most open person at the best of times. He stammered his way through explaining to Gabriel that he and Dean have yet to consummate their relationship. This revelation was met with a worrying stunned silence. But then Gabriel barks out between fits of laughter he can assure Castiel and Dean won't be virgins by Sunday night. 

That comment leaves a burning ember of need lodged tightly in Castiel’s belly. Keeping his hands to himself seems a hundred times harder than normal. 

They’re making out on the couch in the downstairs living room on Wednesday night. The television is on, playing a movie they've seen a hundred times so they know the plot by heart. Living with Dean has some perks Castiel hadn’t initially considered when he moved in. One of them being that instead of hanging out in jeans all the time they often now find themselves snuggled up together in loose, old t-shirts and pajama pants. Their feet encased in the socks that Castiel has recently taught himself to knit. The rows are a little shaky but he’s learning and getting better with every pair. John even wears them now and then around the house, though Sam staunchly refuses to participate in what he describes as the “weird-ass sock party.” 

Dean has Castiel pinned against the couch while he grinds down on top of him. Castiel’s rocking rhythmically against Dean’s thigh, caught between his legs while they kiss slowly, passionately. Dean’s taken to sucking Castiel’s lower lip into his mouth before nipping it with his teeth. It makes Castiel moan out embarrassingly loud in the quiet darkness of the downstairs. 

“You’ve got to be quiet,” Dean murmurs as he licks against Castiel’s open mouth while he pants. “If you wake up Dad we’re going to get sent to out rooms to die of blue balls.” 

Castiel manages to choke out a desperate laugh at the image. The idea of having to stop touching Dean now is almost painful and Castiel does not want to end this evening alone jerking off. He nods shakily before slipping his hands under the elastic of Dean’s pants. His long fingers wander across the other boy’s hips before settling on the swell of Dean’s ass. 

Dean grinds down into him with a muffled groan. Turning his head until his lips are sliding along Castiel’s ear as he whispers, “Our first time, I want you inside me.” 

Pleasure rockets up Castiel’s spine at the words alone. If only Dean knew they were just days from being together that way. He buries his face in Dean’s neck while he clings to him and comes to the mental image of sliding inside Dean’s body for the first time. 

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean comments breathlessly as he watches Castiel ride out his orgasm. “That was hot.” 

Boneless and relaxed in the aftermath, Castiel just wants to go to sleep. But the heavy weight of Dean’s erection pressing into his hip in tiny motions gets him moving. He shoves Dean back against the couch and tugs his pajama pants down before bending over and mouthing along the side of Dean’s dick. 

Dean clamps both his hands over his mouth to stifle his moaning and then, when it’s still too loud, he puts a pillow over his face. 

Castiel’s knows he's not very good at this. Dean has learned to be very still and Castiel has to be very careful or unfortunate mood killing things occur, like gagging or biting. 

Castiel’s frustrated by it. He tried the internet, but Sam banned Castiel from using his laptop after he found How to Give a Blow Job in the browser history. Castiel had to invest in an IPhone after that. Now that he has the knowledge, he still needs to find stolen time to practice. 

Dean’s trembling fingers slide into his hair snapping Castiel back to the present. This kind of thing still doesn’t feel entirely natural since Castiel has resisted being touched for much of his life. Castiel rubs his head back into Dean’s hand before letting Dean guide his mouth over his erection. Dean’s body shifts toward Castiel and the taste of Dean in his mouth settles his nerves enough so that he can implement his new plan of action. 

Basically, Castiel’s learned to try not to swallow Dean whole and to use his hands to keep from choking. He’s hasn’t had a chance to discuss it with Dean. But from the way Dean is shaking, flexing his fingers in Castiel’s hair, he assumes it’s a huge improvement over the last time he gave head. 

But suddenly Dean’s trying to tug him off. Castiel’s confused as to why but then he hears Dean gasping, “Close, gonna, gonna,” and the last thing Castiel wants to do is pull off. This is going down in the history books as his first successful blow job! 

Dean stops scrambling at Castiel's head. With one final buck of his hips Dean's coming down Castiel throat. 

It tastes horrible…and Castiel gags. Of course, he always gags. 

But then he looks up and sees Dean’s wrecked gaze. He can't stop the pleased smile spreading across his face as he wipes the come off with his already stained pants. 

Dean’s looking at him like Castiel just remade the world just for him.

“Are you unhappy with me?” Castiel blurts out as Dean drives them toward Gabriel’s college for the weekend. 

Wednesday night had been awesome, but the next morning Dean went back to his invisible man routine. Dean was out of the house all day Thursday and barely made their 4pm meeting time to leave today. Much worse, Dean was distracted, a little dirty, and not interested in explaining where he'd been. In fact, Dean had hardly said ten words to him since they started this trip. 

“What?” Dean asks as he flicks his gaze from the road to Castiel for just a moment. 

He struggles to find the words to actually give his fears voice. “You’ve been…gone so much lately. I was wondering if maybe you would prefer me to find my own place. I don't know. Maybe you're feeling stifled?” 

Castiel rolls in his seat as Dean jerks the car over to the side of the road. A passing car honks their annoyance, so Dean pops on the hazard light before cutting the engine. 

“Wait, what?” Dean demands as he turns to give Castiel his full attention. 

Dean looks angry…and confused. It’s not a look that Castiel has seen on him very often. 

“Things are different now,” Castiel tries to explain. “I thought you might be getting sick of me. You know, since you obviously want distance.” 

“Are you breaking up with me?” Dean asks. But he’s speaking again before he gives Castiel a chance to answer. “Because you can’t…I mean you can, of course you can, I'm not going to stalk you or some crazy shit. But I don’t want to break up with you. I love you. I love having you in my space. I mean, fuck, we’re just getting started. If I did something wrong you need to tell me so I can fix it. I know I’m probably not what you’re looking for now, with you going to college and everything. You probably want someone better than a mechanic's kid who just plans to be a welder. But no other guy is ever going to love you like I do, Cas. I’m serious. Please, just please, don’t do this.” 

“I’m not doing anything,” Castiel explains as he reaches out a hand to tangle his fingers with Dean’s. “I love you. I don’t want to break up with you.” 

“Oh,” Dean murmurs and Castiel watches as his skin turns pink, starting with his neck and crawling up onto his cheeks. 

It seems he’s not the only one with fears about their relationship. 

“You thought I would go to college and find someone else?” Castiel asks as he unbuckles his seat belt in order to get closer to Dean. 

“I figured you could find someone better, you know, some artsy college boy,or something.” Dean shrugs but he keeps his gaze down on their linked hands. 

“There is no one better for me than you,” Castiel whispers as he leans in and nuzzles against Dean’s cheek. 

“You thought I was mad at you?” Dean redirects his gaze hesitant and confused as their eyes meet. 

“You’ve been gone so much recently,” Castiel sighs, content in the fact it was all a misunderstanding. 

“I'm working on something. It’s a surprise for you,” Dean admits as he swipes a hand across his face. “But it’s not done yet.” 

“Oh,” Castiel breathes out slowly before commenting, “We are very foolish.” 

Dean snorts. “Something like that, yeah.” 

When Castiel kisses him, Dean's tastes like the coffee he recently started drinking. It's bitter and strong with just a hint of sweetness underneath. Castiel slips back over to his side of the car. As he buckles up, Dean eases the car back onto the highway. Castiel spends the rest of the trip dropping his stitches on the socks he's knitting. He keeps ripping and re-knitting the same row over and over. His hands won't behave while his heart swells with happiness. Just when he thinks he can't be any happier, a ball of nervous energy rolls in his stomach as he remembers the box of condoms and bottle of lube stored in the bottom of his bag. Dean still loves him, and tonight he'll get to show him just how much he loves him back. 

***** 

Gabriel and Crowley nearly fall all over themselves with excitement when they get there. They make a big show of helping them carry in their belongings, then usher them to the kitchen table. Crowley pulls out their chairs while Gabriel finishes dinner. Dean sits, leaned back in his chair like they’re being waited on at some stupidly expensive restaurant. As Castiel takes in his surrounding he notices the candles on almost every surface, the soft music, the way Gabriel and Crowley seem to have transformed their crapped apartment into something that sort of looks like an eatery in the fancy downtown area that he and Dean spent their prom night in. Gabriel gets dinner plated and sends Crowley out to serve Castiel and Dean with a home cooked meal that rivals most of the restaurant food Castiel’s had in his lifetime. He had forgotten Gabriel was majoring in culinary. It’s silly and strange and shockingly romantic. Dean pulls his chair closer and spoon feeds Castiel dessert between long, deep kisses. Castiel’s halfway through eating the pie when he realizes that he wasn’t the only one with a super-secret plan for the weekend. 

Dean looks far too relaxed for this to be anything more than a set-up. While Crowley clears the dishes Dean tugs Castiel up, into his arms. Some jazzy music starts playing as Dean spins Castiel into the living room. With a double clap, Gabriel switches off the main lamp over the tiny table they are seated at, and suddenly the place is lit with twinkling strings of Christmas lights. The couch is moved backwards and the living room is opened up like a small, private dance floor. 

“You planned this,” Castiel accuses even as he holds Dean a little closer. 

“We missed prom,” Dean shrugs before dipping his head to kiss Castiel’s upturned mouth. “But I still wanted to give you dinner and dancing.” 

Castiel hums his contentment against Dean’s cheek. 

“So yeah,” Dean murmurs into his ear. “I handled dinner and dancing but it sounds like you handled the after party.” 

Castiel jerks his head back and glares at Dean. “You knew?” 

“For future reference,” Dean chuckles as he kisses Castiel again. “Gabriel tells Crowley everything, and Crowley can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life.” 

“I beg to differ,” Crowley comments from the doorway to the kitchen of their apartment. 

Dean and Castiel separate enough to turn and give him their full attention. Gabriel comes around and curls his arms around Crowley’s hips. “The clean up’s done,” Gabriel says conversationally. “We’re getting ready to head out for the night. The bedroom is down the hall, door next to the bathroom. I expect clean sheets on the bed in the morning and all the…mess gone. Deal?” 

“Deal, and just….ewwww,” Dean answers while Castiel’s eyes bug out and he flushes. His brother is really too much sometimes. 

“We will not be available for tech support later,” Crowley announces as he steps around Gabriel and gets an overnight bag out of the closet. “So don’t bother calling if you get confused about what goes where. Work it out on your own.” 

“Go slow,” Gabriel teases as he picks up his own bag and heads for the door. “And use lots of lube.” 

With the click of the apartment door as it shuts Dean and Castiel are alone for the night. 

Castiel had expected a mad rush to the bedroom with clothing flung everywhere. But he’s suddenly nervous and Dean looks….shy. 

“Do you want to…” Dean points down the hall and Castiel finds himself shaking his head slowly. 

“Not yet,” he mumbles and is relieved when Dean relaxes like he was hoping that was what he was going to say. 

Dean tugs on his hand until they lay together on the couch. Dean is on his back and Castiel’s head resting against his chest. 

“It feels huge all of a sudden,” Dean murmurs as he ruffles Castiel’s hair. “I mean, I want to. I want you. But now that we have the chance…” 

“I’m nervous,” Castiel finishes for him. 

“Cas,” Dean breathes out and then they’re kissing, tentative at first before slipping in deeper and wetter. Their hands wander all over each others bodies and slip up under their shirts. This feels easy. They’ve done this before, lots of times. It makes the thought of where this evening is going to end up not seem so huge anymore. 

Castiel stops in the act of helping Dean take off his shirt blurting out, “We can be naked.” 

Dean blinks up at him. “What?” 

“We don’t have to do this here,” Castiel swallows as he waves at the living room. “I know we’re comfortable like this, but we can go back to the bedroom and take our clothes off together. We can be like we were the first night and not have to worry about being caught or getting in trouble. I want that, Dean. I want you naked and spread out all over the bed with the light on so I can see you. I want to make love to you.” 

That ball of tension flares into a bright fire of intent inside Castiel's belly. Dean’s eyes widen and then glaze over with lust. Castiel feels everything click into place. 

They aren’t going to be virgins in the morning. 

The trip down the hallway is far from graceful. Castiel trips trying to yank his pants off and almost falls flat on his face. Dean slams his shoulder into the doorframe hard enough that he yelps and Castiel knows Dean will have a bruise to remember their night by. They can’t find the light switch at first, too occupied with kissing to stop touching one another long enough to find it. They end up knocking half the books off of Gabriel’s low bookcase while they fumble in the dark. 

But then suddenly they’re standing naked next to the bed. “I can’t believe we’re doing this in your brother’s bedroom,” Dean comments. 

“Better than the backseat of your car,” Castiel offers. Dean snorts. “Besides,” Castiel smiles. “I made him buy new sheets and a mattress pad.” 

They laugh until Dean says, “Funny, Cas.” 

“No, really,” Castiel comments as he watches Dean take in the shape of his naked body. “I’m serious.” 

But then Dean’s trailing a hand down Castiel's side and down his back and anything else he was planning on saying is forgotten. Castiel shivers as Dean curves his calloused hands over his ass saying, “You are so fucking beautiful,” in a voice filled with awe. 

Castiel flushes even though he’s fairly certain there isn’t enough blood in his body to both maintain his erection and color his face red. But at least he doesn’t pass out. 

“So,” Dean says as he licks his lips nervously, “How do you want me?” 

Castiel has to take a deep breath in and think of his Uncle Zachariah naked to keep from coming and ruining their evening right there. 

Once he has himself back under control he manages, “What would make you the most comfortable?” 

Dean shrugs one shoulder and blinks at him before cracking a smile and admitting, “I’m not sure me being comfortable is really something we can accomplish the first time.” 

“Then let me,” Castiel offers instantly. 

“No way, Cas,” Dean says with a shake of his head as he crawls up the bed to settle on his back in the center. “I’m way more worried about messing up and hurting you.” 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Castiel assures him. He slides down to lie beside Dean and trails his trembling hand across Dean’s chest. He finds a nipple and begins toying with it. Dean drops his head back against the sheets and moans as his hips roll up against nothing but air. 

“You’re so amazing,” Castiel murmurs before he dips his head down to kiss Dean again. It’s a long time before they use their voices for anything other than soft moans. 

Dean chuckles later as Castiel leaps off the bed and almost flies down the hallway toward the living room where their bags still sit. Castiel's secret stash of condoms and lube is required for them to move forward. The thought of using Gabriel's stuff is just too weird. 

When Castiel reaches the bedroom, he's greeted by his new favorite sight in the world. Dean is sprawled on the bed just where he left him, slowly stroking his erection. Castiel crawls back up on the bed, eyes locked on Dean's hand as it moves up and down. He's enthralled by the sight until Dean blushes, his hand stills, as he asks, "What are you looking at?" 

“You,” Castiel comments when time starts moving for him again. “All I see is you.” 

Then, things get serious. Dean reaches out a hand and Castiel hands him the bag with the supplies. Castiel sits on his knees while Dean slowly, carefully coats his lover's fingers with lube. Dean rolls over onto his side, a shiver making his body quake. 

“Are you sure?” Castiel asks as he trails his finger tips along Dean’s ass. 

“Never been more sure of anything in my life,” Dean answers and his tone doesn’t leave any room for argument. 

Castiel slides closer behind Dean. With a nudge, he moves Dean's legs apart so he can gain access to Dean's opening. Castiel rubs free hand along Dean’s side as he circles the entrance to his friend's body with trembling fingers. There’s just slight pressure as Castiel waits for Dean to relax enough to open up for him. After a few moments he feels more than hears Dean exhale deeply and Castiel pushes one of his fingers slowly, but steadily inside. 

“Oh,” Dean murmurs as he squirms. Castiel strokes along his side and drops his head to press wet kisses along his hip. 

“How does it feel?” Castiel asks. 

“Weird,” Dean snorts and then chuckles before moaning again as the action makes him more aware of their connection. 

“I know,” Castiel says as he slides his finger slowly back and forth. “It’ll get better.” 

“How do you know?” Dean asks with a smirk. 

“Because I’ve tried it,” Castiel shrugs and then frowns as Dean immediately tenses around his finger. 

“With who?” Dean demands. 

“With myself,” Castiel clarifies with a snort. “Alone, in my room, thinking about you. So shut up.” 

“Oh,” Dean whispers before swallowing and adding, “More, Cas.” 

His second finger slips in carefully and Dean groans, pushing back toward him instead of pulling away. Castiel spends the next few minutes whispering nonsense to Dean, fingers moving in and out, until Dean suddenly gasps out, “Do that again.” 

Castiel tries to recreate the movement of his fingers and is more than pleased as Dean pushes back and moans out in pleasure. 

“Do you like that?” Castiel asks. 

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean groans. “This feels so good.” 

He laughs shakily, “I think that’s kind of the point, Dean.” 

They twist around to kiss each other for a moment and then Dean pulls back and orders, “Get the show on the road, Cas.” 

He reaches for the condoms only to have Dean grab them and hurl them off the side of the bed, out of his reach. 

“Dean?” 

“We don’t need them and I don’t want them,” Dean says firmly. “We’re both virgins, and I’m not going to get pregnant. I want to feel you inside me." 

Castiel hesitates for a heart beat, biting his bottom lip. The thought of being inside Dean without a condom can't be unimagined. Cas picks up the lube and slicks himself up until he's almost dripping with it. Dean is on his side, clinging to the sheets as Castiel slides up behind him, curling his body around Dean larger frame until their spooned up tight. Cas maneuvers Dean's legs until he has access before carefully pressing the tip of his aching dick to Dean's ass. 

There’s a moment where Castiel wonders if maybe Dean was right, maybe they aren’t meant to fit together like this. But then Dean shifts against him, exhales, and forces his body to relax. The head of Castiel’s dick pops inside Dean’s body. Dean gasps, and Cas pauses, letting Dean get use to the new sensation. When Dean nods, Castiel pushes forward slowly, breaching each ring of muscle, one at a time. With a shattered moan, Castiel buries himself into the tight heat of Dean until they’re pressed as closely together as possible. 

Dean’s panting, his breathing ragged and he’s tugging on the sheets in his hand. Castiel can feel every move he makes through where their bodies are connected. He reaches around to offer Dean some comfort but accidentally brushes against Dean’s leaking dick instead making his partner gasp louder and chant, “Fuck! Move, move, move!” 

So he does, thrusting into Dean’s body carefully until Dean shoves back demanding “Harder!” 

With a shove behind Dean's knee, Castiel rolls them over so he has Dean pinned to the mattress on his stomach. He licks and sucks his way across Dean’s shoulders while he pounds in and out until they’re both moaning and slick with sweat. 

Dean’s body quakes beneath him. Goose bumps pop up all over his skin, then Dean stills, his body humming with tension. Suddenly, the tension breaks, and Castiel groans loudly at the feel of Dean clenching down around him as he comes onto the sheets. 

Castiel only lasts three more thrusts before he’s coming in waves inside Dean and collapsing across his lover's back. 

Dean shifts beneath him, unlinking their bodies so he can roll over and gather Castiel to his chest. Dean plants lazy kisses on Castiel's head. 

“Are you okay?” Castiel asks, suddenly uncertain. 

“Better than okay,” Dean grins. “Just wait, you’re going to love it.” 

Castiel suspects Dean is correct. 

***** 

“How do you feel?” Dean asks as he drives them home Sunday morning. 

Castiel looks over at him from where he’s sipping coffee in the passenger seat. “Wonderful.” 

Dean grins and Castiel watches as the sunlight makes his freckles stand out brighter against his skin. 

“How do you feel?” he asks. 

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Dean announces. Then he takes one hand off the wheel to slide it along Cas’ knee, adding, “I didn’t think I would feel any different, really. But…I don’t know. I just love you so much. I feel like we’re really connected now.” 

“You are a closet romantic,” Castiel teases. 

“Yeah, well,” Dean shrugs. “I gotta keep something in the closet, right?” 

They laugh. 

Castiel doesn’t notice right away that Dean’s not taking them back to the Winchester house. He’s heading downtown instead. 

“Where are we going?” Castiel asks. 

“To your surprise,” Dean answers with his eyes glued to the road. Cas can still see his freckles even more clearly now that Dean is blushing. 

“You said it wasn’t finished,” Castiel points out as they turn down a familiar road. Castiel isn't surprised when they pull into the garage John Winchester works at. 

“Yeah, I know,” Dean nods as he turns the car off. “But me sneaking around to work on it made you think I wanted to break up with you. So it’s not done. Maybe we should finish it together?” 

Castiel’s beaming as he gets out of the car. He follows behind Dean while they wind around the outside of the auto shop to a smaller, private garage off to the side of the property. 

“What is it?” Castiel asks as they step inside the dark building. 

“Hold your horses,” Dean laughs. “And don’t get your hopes up. It’s nothing special.” 

But he’s so wrong. Castiel knows it as soon as Dean turns on the lights and he sees the beaten up, mismatched car in front of them. Dean is so, so wrong. 

“What have you done?” Castiel gasps. 

“I got you a car,” Dean explains. “It's not much. It doesn’t run, yet and it needs a new paint job. It'll work to get you back and forth to school every day. You know, so you don't feel like you lean on me too much. Which you don't. I don’t mind driving you around. I hope you know that. But this way you get to drive yourself around.” 

“Why?” Castiel asks with tears in his eyes. 

“You made me a sweater,” Dean says with a wave of his hand like that explains everything. “I’m not good at that kind of thing, but I’m good at this. I’m good at cars. You always tell me I should play to my strengths.” 

Castiel walks around the car in a slow circle as he brushes over it with his fingertips. “I can’t believe you did this…” 

“Do you like it?” Dean asks. 

That’s when Castiel realizes how nervous Dean is with his hands jammed deep into his pockets, shifting from foot to foot. 

“I love it,” Castiel affirms. “And you. I love you so much. I can’t believe you’re giving me this.” 

“It’s just a piece of shit car, Cas,” Dean complains. 

“No it’s not,” Castiel corrects him as he wipes at the dampness on his cheeks. “It’s freedom.” 

***** 

It’s a pattern they repeat again and again over the years. 

When Dean is twenty-five he’s gotten too big to wear the sweater Castiel originally made for him. He doesn’t say anything but Castiel catches him one night with his face pressed into the knit of that old, ragged sweater and knows what he has to do. 

He knits him another. 

It’s coincidentally the same year Castiel beat -up car finally dies. Dean gives him a new one for his birthday. 

On his thirty-third birthday, Dean opens a box with a new sweater inside it and laughs because he’s still wearing the last one, holes and all. Then he opens Castiel’s second gift and cries. 

It’s a white baby blanket. 

That year, he trades Castiel’s car in for a mini-van. 

Their tiny apartment in the city gives way to house in the suburbs. Down the street from them are Anna and Balthazar with their own brood. Gabriel and Crowley are frequent visitors who love to dote on their niece and nephews. 

They still go home every year for the holidays. John finally lets them sleep with the door closed in Dean’s old room the year they turn forty. Their children share the attic room that once belonged to their father. 

That's the year Dean finds Castiel outside the night before Christmas. He's standing at the edge of the driveway looking down the street toward his old house. 

“What are you thinking about?” Dean asks. 

“What I’ll tell our children when they ask why they’re adopted,” Castiel answers as he leans into Dean’s side. After all this time, he's worn a comfortable groove against his husband. 

“And what’s that?” Dean asks before pressing a kiss to Castiel’s now graying temple. 

“That it’s not who you’re born to, but who you’re born for that matters,” Castiel smiles. “I never really belonged to those people.” 

“No,” Dean comments. “You’ve always been mine and so have our kids.” 

They share a smile as they hear happy squeals from inside the house. Dean tugs Castiel closer and kisses him deeply out in the evening snow. 

There’s a car horn from the street and when they look over Sam is rolling down the window of his car to shout, “Stop trying to scar the neighbors for life!” 

They move out of his way. Sam parks the car before bounding out to hug them both and muttering, “Some things never change. It's still the gay-ship lollipop with you two all the time!” 

They watch him haul his gifts into the house before Dean leans over and whispers, “When did he get so tall?” 

"I just hope I made his socks long enough," whispers Castiel. 

Dean’s still chuckling when they follow Sam inside and get ready to eat.


End file.
